fall fashion {day three}

fall fashion {day three}

love love love.ing this fall fashion week blogging extravaganza!!! it's forcing me to be creative and actually get dressed everyday hahaha but seriously i love this
so here's today's outfit:

 earrings: forever21 $3.50
 scarf: charlotte russe $9.50
 tank: target

 jeggings: gap kids $9.00 on sale
 and my favorite crochet tommy TOMS :)

post your fall fashion over at http://www.emeryjo.blogspot.com/
 

fall fashion {day two}

fall fashion {day two}

i decided to ignore the 100 degree weather today and go for a nautical sweater.

sweater: forever21 [anyone else noticing a pattern?]
cami and t.shirt: charlotte russe
sandles: charlotte russe
leggings: charlotte russe

this bracelet was handmade for me by my dear friend karyss bollen <3

get in on the fashion fun at http://www.emeryjo.blogspot.com/ :)

{fall} fashion

{fall} fashion

technically i don't think you can call what we have here in vegas {fall} per say... but i love fall fashion and my friend erin over at www.erinbiermann.blogspot.com inspired me to start blogging about my fall fashion choices... i LOVE this idea

so my first post is the outfit i wore to tonights dinner party:

shirt: forever21 (it's from last fall so i don't know the price)
cami: forever21 $2.50
leggings: charlotte russe $6.00

leaf earrings: forever21 $1.50
necklace: forever21 $5.50

high socks: gap kids $3.00
boots: rhapsiodelle $20.00

thanks miss erin for the inspiration... can't wait to see what other girls are posting :)

Tyler's 5th Birthday Party [Baseball Theme]

Tyler's 5th Birthday Party [Baseball Theme]

I'm only like two months late on posting about Tyler's birthday party but here it is.  He had asked for a baseball party.  I can't believe he is five years old already!!! Time sure does fly when you're having fun.  Tyler is the most caring and tender hearted child I have ever met.  I'm so proud of the little boy he is.

 We had this set up so his friends could sign his baseball.

 Made these little baseballs to attach to the serving dishes.

 These were the games I made for the kids to play. [neither of which got played thanks to the mini-storm that blew through lol]  One was a "balance the baseball" game.  For that game I turned little ping pong balls into baseballs and was going to have the kids race while balancing the balls on spoons.  The next game was "pin the hats on the bases".  For this game I drew Busch stadium on a poster board, gave each base a point value and then made baseball helmets.  The kids would have been blindfolded and played it just like "pin the tail on the donkey".

I made star, baseball and fireworks cupcake toppers to match the theme.

               I didn't get a picture of his banner at the party but here it is.

I hope Tyler and his friends had fun celebrating his special day.  I sure had fun making it for him. :)
Paper Hearts [planning & design]

{the man and the snake}

Here's a paraphrase of a story I heard today:

{the man and the snake}

A man was going to climb up a mountain and just before he began his climb he came across a snake. 
"Please carry me up the mountain" the snake pleaded.
"No way!  You're a snake!  If I pick you up you will bite me!" said the man.
"Noooo... I wouldn't bite you," said the snake, "I just want you to carry me up the mountain because I'm slow and you are fast.  Please carry me."
The man thought for a moment and against his better judgment decides to pick up the snake.  The man puts the snake inside his shirt and carries him all the way up the mountain.  When they reach the top the man pulls the snake out of his shirt.  As the man is putting the snake back on the ground it bites him.  The man throws the snake down.
"Why did you bite me?  You lied. You told me you wouldn't bite me!" screams the man.
The snake just grinned and said, "No, I never lied to you.  I am a snake afterall and you knew that when you picked me up."

[my heart has an owie]

[my heart has an owie]

We've all needed a band.aid at one time or another.  For anything from minor scratches to deep cuts.  We hurt ourselves and needed to protect that "owie" from the contaminates and germs in the world.  A band.aid also protected our wound from further harm and damage.  Eventually that dreaded day would come when we must face the music and remove the band.aid.  It has served it's purpose and is no longer helpful or necessary.  In order for our wound to heal it has to be exposed.  No one looks forward to baring a wound and removing the band.aid can be painful.  Over time the band.aid has so adhered to our skin that it becomes difficult to pull off without causing some degree of pain.  We often begin the removal process by testing the waters.  Peeling back just enough of the edge to see how much pain we are in for.  The minute we feel the tug on our skin we re.adhere the band.aid to it's former place.  Of course, this only makes the eventual tearing that much more painful.  At some point we must make a decision: we're either going to live in fear of the pain and allow the band.aid that was once a protection to our wound to become a hindrance to it's healing or we're going to suck it up, get a grip, take a deep breath and rip it off as fast as we can.  Once we tear it off we realize something.  We were right, it did hurt, but only for a second.  Now our wound is exposed.  It's ugly and messy but the longer it is aired out the more it heals.  Until, one day it disappears completely or leaves a scar but either way it is no longer causing us pain.  It has healed.
God gave me this analogy in my prayer time this morning.  I think it is a beautiful illustration of what holds us back from healing from our past traumas.  I have wanted change in my life for so long.  I used to believe it was everyone else that needed to change.  If my husband would just read my mind and do what I want then I wouldn't be so controlling.  If my kids would just obey me then I wouldn't have to be so angry all the time.  If my friends would just live the way I think they should then I wouldn't spend endless time worrying and obsessing over their problems.  I'm only now realizing that it's not everybody else.  It's me.  I'm codependent.  And not just a little bit. 
The band.aid in this analogy represents my codependent habits and reactions.  When my wound was fresh and bleeding I developed these habits to cope and survive.  They WERE necessary.  They saved me and kept me sane.  But, I never knew when to "remove the band.aid" so to speak.  God is showing me that day has come.  In order for me to become a healthy functional adult I must remove these character defects that once protected me.  They are such a part of me at this point that it is hard to separate myself from them without experiencing a great deal of pain.  But, I know God is with me.  He is holding me tight and He will only give me what He knows I'm strong enough to handle at this point in my recovery.  I have so much hope that I can and will change.  I refuse to live this way anymore.  I refuse to keep attaching myself to other people in an unhealthy dysfunctional way.  I refuse to be angry all the time because I internalize and repress my feelings.  I refuse to let other people's emotions control me.  I am ready to be free from my past and the codependency that developed from it.  I am ready to heal.

[I don't like labels]

So, I recently posted a blog about my struggles with our miscarriages and alcohol.  In this blog post I mentioned being an "alcoholic".  This didn't settle with me even after writing it because to me an alcoholic is someone who drinks uncontrollably.  What I have realized is that I need a new word to define my issues with alcohol.  I have come to realize that I drink to bury my pain and emotions.  My life has not always been pleasant and because of that I learned to complusivly numb myself from feeling pain.  Whether it would be having a few strong drinks, binging out on desserts for a whole day, starving myself for as long as I can last, overly exercising, sleeping allot, not sleeping at all, cleaning my house to the point of insanity or baking thousands of cookies... I learned to use compulsive [some healthy some not] behaviors to systematically get myself through painful circumstances.  At one time it was necessary for survival but now that I have Christ in my life I am slowly but surely learning new ways of coping and learning to actually feel my feeling.  I now know that when I'm feeling down I have to fight the urge to return to my compulsions [any of them] that make me feel normal but to turn to God instead and allow myself to feel whatever emotions I feel.  That, however, does not mean that I can no longer have an alcoholic beverage, eat candy, work out or clean my house.  I just have to constantly be checking my motives for doing such things.   Life is all about balance.

[God is good]

Wednesday night we went to "First Wednesday" at Central Christian Church.  One of the worship songs was "Desert Song" by Hillsong.  That song got me through this last miscarriage.  So, I was overwhelmed by God's love & truth as I sang.  I even put my hands in the air in front of Brandon for the first time and I sang as loud as I possibly could (even during the quiet parts when people can actually hear you haha).  Then it came time for communion and as I bowed my head to pray I could not think of a single thing to say to God.  Then out of nowhere I began to speak.  To speak things I had no intention of saying, things I didn't even realize about myself.  I'm convinced this is what God means in the Romans8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."  I had no idea what to say to God but the Holy Spirit knew EXACTLY what I needed to say. 
And here are the words that came out:
    "Lord, call me back, lead me home.  I want to give up.  I want to drink and numb my pain.  It is ALL I think about from the moment I rise until the moment I go to sleep at night.  I'm in Celebrate Recovery but not even attempting to admit my struggles.  Forgive my disobedience.  I am so happy I'm not pregnant because that means I can get drunk.  I am so sorry God.  Forgive me. Help me. Forgive me, Lord.  Thank you for loving me even when I fall. In Jesus Holy name, AMEN!"
As these words came out I cried uncontrollably.  I sat through the next song of worship ["You are my Savior"] and just cried.  I cried because of the prayer I didn't know I'd say.  I cried because it was true.  I cried because I was far from God.  I cried for the babies I wanted so bad but couldn't keep.  I cried because I realized I'm an alcoholic.  I cried mostly because God loves me so much that He chose to speak to me before I acted on my desire to drink and I cried because I knew now I wouldn't be able to.
Then this morning (Thursday) I came before the Lord to pray.  I prayed and confessed my wrongs: my desire to get drunk, my anger at my husband, the way I talk about others and my doubts that started Tuesday night.  Tuesday night Brandon and I went to see Bad Religion in concert.  Listening to the lyrics that once were the sound track to my anti-Jesus life brought me to a place of doubt.  I started having questions:  Wasn't I happier when I didn't know God?  Have I been deceived?  Is God real?
I couldn't believe that after how much God has done in my life I would have these doubts!  I started to miss my old life of sin.  Life used to be carefree.  I got drunk all day everyday.  I never felt any pain (so I thought).  And I wondered... Is God worth it?
Well, after last night I can say YES!
God is so worth it!  He IS real!  He hears my prayers, He moves in my life and He loved me enough to die for me!
This morning as I repented of my doubts I began to think about "fear of the Lord".  Which I, obviously, was lacking.  If I feared God at all I wouldn't doubt Him.  I prayed that God would forgive me for not fearing Him.  For not fearing His authority.  I asked Him to speak to my heart as I read His word.  After my prayer I read my devotional and it said to read Proverbs2:1-22.
Here is part of it:
    "My son if you receive my words, and treasure my commands within you, so that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding, Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver and search for her as hidden treasures.  THEN you will understand the fear of the Lord," Proverbs2:1-5 {NKJV} -emphasis added-
WOW!!!! God is so good!

[Tyler's First T.Ball Game]

Tyler James started t.ball this year.  He loves it!!!  His little face just lights up the minute we get to practice.  Those of you who have shy kids know how painful it can be to sign your kids up for sports or even just to take them to the park.  But, he just loves t.ball so much.  It makes us so happy to see him running, laughing and playing with other kids. :)

He had his very first game last Saturday.  It was so cute watching all these little kids "play" baseball.  Four year olds tend to have the attention span of a spider monkey so you can imagine how hard it is to keep them focused on the game.  God bless their coach!  I think Tyler is a natural though.  He can hit really well and he's great at going after the ground balls and throwing.  [but i might be teensy bit biased haha]

Pictures from game day: [email me if you'de like your autographed picture now]



[best friends weekend]

I love all things spontanious.  So, when I got the last minute news that my bestest friend would be coming to Las Vegas for the weekend I was very very excited!  My friend DeeDee and me always have the best time together. She's just as sarcastic as I am and we just get eachother.  We like to say we share a brain. [hahaha] We had such a great time and so I thought to myself why not blog about it.
Saturday: Went over a Bible study DeeDee wrote on "the armor of God".  Such a blessing to have a friend who is talented at taking God's word and relating it to daily life.  I really needed this study and I'm thankful she shared it with me. 
That night we went to a country restaurant/bar by my house.  We had so much fun watching the line dancers and taking pictures.
Sunday: DeeDee got to come serve in the infant room at Central Christian Church's Summerlin campus with me.  After that we attended the service on not being afraid of what other's think of you.  This was such an amazing sermon.  The worship before hand was very moving!! I feel so blessed to be a part of a church like Central and was so happy I got to share it with a good friend.  Sadly, after church my dear friend had to head home but what a wonderful time we had.
Here are some pictures from our weekend extravaganza:

[Ella Bella's Party Day]

I cannot believe our little miss Ella Bella boo is 2 years old!!!  It seems like only yesterday we found we were pregnant with her.  She has brought such joy into our family.  She is so tiny but so full of life and laughter.  Ella is just the most awesome daughter I could of ever asked for.  I laugh daily because of her sillyness and sense of humor.
Those of you who know Ella know about her obsession with what she refers to as "BA!!!".  She loves {EVERYTHING} Yo Gabba Gabba.  So naturally for her second birthday party her requested theme was Brobee [her favorite character]. 
Ella would get so excited with every new decoration I would complete for what she called her "party day".  I love this little girl so much!
Here are some pictures from said party day:

[Mommy and the Birthday Girl]

[This was Ella's favorite]

[Yummy Cupcakes]

                                    [ We played "Put the Party in Brobee's Tummy"]

[Happy Birthday dear Ella]