fall fashion {day three}

fall fashion {day three}

love love love.ing this fall fashion week blogging extravaganza!!! it's forcing me to be creative and actually get dressed everyday hahaha but seriously i love this
so here's today's outfit:

 earrings: forever21 $3.50
 scarf: charlotte russe $9.50
 tank: target

 jeggings: gap kids $9.00 on sale
 and my favorite crochet tommy TOMS :)

post your fall fashion over at http://www.emeryjo.blogspot.com/
 

fall fashion {day two}

fall fashion {day two}

i decided to ignore the 100 degree weather today and go for a nautical sweater.

sweater: forever21 [anyone else noticing a pattern?]
cami and t.shirt: charlotte russe
sandles: charlotte russe
leggings: charlotte russe

this bracelet was handmade for me by my dear friend karyss bollen <3

get in on the fashion fun at http://www.emeryjo.blogspot.com/ :)

{fall} fashion

{fall} fashion

technically i don't think you can call what we have here in vegas {fall} per say... but i love fall fashion and my friend erin over at www.erinbiermann.blogspot.com inspired me to start blogging about my fall fashion choices... i LOVE this idea

so my first post is the outfit i wore to tonights dinner party:

shirt: forever21 (it's from last fall so i don't know the price)
cami: forever21 $2.50
leggings: charlotte russe $6.00

leaf earrings: forever21 $1.50
necklace: forever21 $5.50

high socks: gap kids $3.00
boots: rhapsiodelle $20.00

thanks miss erin for the inspiration... can't wait to see what other girls are posting :)

Tyler's 5th Birthday Party [Baseball Theme]

Tyler's 5th Birthday Party [Baseball Theme]

I'm only like two months late on posting about Tyler's birthday party but here it is.  He had asked for a baseball party.  I can't believe he is five years old already!!! Time sure does fly when you're having fun.  Tyler is the most caring and tender hearted child I have ever met.  I'm so proud of the little boy he is.

 We had this set up so his friends could sign his baseball.

 Made these little baseballs to attach to the serving dishes.

 These were the games I made for the kids to play. [neither of which got played thanks to the mini-storm that blew through lol]  One was a "balance the baseball" game.  For that game I turned little ping pong balls into baseballs and was going to have the kids race while balancing the balls on spoons.  The next game was "pin the hats on the bases".  For this game I drew Busch stadium on a poster board, gave each base a point value and then made baseball helmets.  The kids would have been blindfolded and played it just like "pin the tail on the donkey".

I made star, baseball and fireworks cupcake toppers to match the theme.

               I didn't get a picture of his banner at the party but here it is.

I hope Tyler and his friends had fun celebrating his special day.  I sure had fun making it for him. :)
Paper Hearts [planning & design]

{the man and the snake}

Here's a paraphrase of a story I heard today:

{the man and the snake}

A man was going to climb up a mountain and just before he began his climb he came across a snake. 
"Please carry me up the mountain" the snake pleaded.
"No way!  You're a snake!  If I pick you up you will bite me!" said the man.
"Noooo... I wouldn't bite you," said the snake, "I just want you to carry me up the mountain because I'm slow and you are fast.  Please carry me."
The man thought for a moment and against his better judgment decides to pick up the snake.  The man puts the snake inside his shirt and carries him all the way up the mountain.  When they reach the top the man pulls the snake out of his shirt.  As the man is putting the snake back on the ground it bites him.  The man throws the snake down.
"Why did you bite me?  You lied. You told me you wouldn't bite me!" screams the man.
The snake just grinned and said, "No, I never lied to you.  I am a snake afterall and you knew that when you picked me up."

[my heart has an owie]

[my heart has an owie]

We've all needed a band.aid at one time or another.  For anything from minor scratches to deep cuts.  We hurt ourselves and needed to protect that "owie" from the contaminates and germs in the world.  A band.aid also protected our wound from further harm and damage.  Eventually that dreaded day would come when we must face the music and remove the band.aid.  It has served it's purpose and is no longer helpful or necessary.  In order for our wound to heal it has to be exposed.  No one looks forward to baring a wound and removing the band.aid can be painful.  Over time the band.aid has so adhered to our skin that it becomes difficult to pull off without causing some degree of pain.  We often begin the removal process by testing the waters.  Peeling back just enough of the edge to see how much pain we are in for.  The minute we feel the tug on our skin we re.adhere the band.aid to it's former place.  Of course, this only makes the eventual tearing that much more painful.  At some point we must make a decision: we're either going to live in fear of the pain and allow the band.aid that was once a protection to our wound to become a hindrance to it's healing or we're going to suck it up, get a grip, take a deep breath and rip it off as fast as we can.  Once we tear it off we realize something.  We were right, it did hurt, but only for a second.  Now our wound is exposed.  It's ugly and messy but the longer it is aired out the more it heals.  Until, one day it disappears completely or leaves a scar but either way it is no longer causing us pain.  It has healed.
God gave me this analogy in my prayer time this morning.  I think it is a beautiful illustration of what holds us back from healing from our past traumas.  I have wanted change in my life for so long.  I used to believe it was everyone else that needed to change.  If my husband would just read my mind and do what I want then I wouldn't be so controlling.  If my kids would just obey me then I wouldn't have to be so angry all the time.  If my friends would just live the way I think they should then I wouldn't spend endless time worrying and obsessing over their problems.  I'm only now realizing that it's not everybody else.  It's me.  I'm codependent.  And not just a little bit. 
The band.aid in this analogy represents my codependent habits and reactions.  When my wound was fresh and bleeding I developed these habits to cope and survive.  They WERE necessary.  They saved me and kept me sane.  But, I never knew when to "remove the band.aid" so to speak.  God is showing me that day has come.  In order for me to become a healthy functional adult I must remove these character defects that once protected me.  They are such a part of me at this point that it is hard to separate myself from them without experiencing a great deal of pain.  But, I know God is with me.  He is holding me tight and He will only give me what He knows I'm strong enough to handle at this point in my recovery.  I have so much hope that I can and will change.  I refuse to live this way anymore.  I refuse to keep attaching myself to other people in an unhealthy dysfunctional way.  I refuse to be angry all the time because I internalize and repress my feelings.  I refuse to let other people's emotions control me.  I am ready to be free from my past and the codependency that developed from it.  I am ready to heal.

[I don't like labels]

So, I recently posted a blog about my struggles with our miscarriages and alcohol.  In this blog post I mentioned being an "alcoholic".  This didn't settle with me even after writing it because to me an alcoholic is someone who drinks uncontrollably.  What I have realized is that I need a new word to define my issues with alcohol.  I have come to realize that I drink to bury my pain and emotions.  My life has not always been pleasant and because of that I learned to complusivly numb myself from feeling pain.  Whether it would be having a few strong drinks, binging out on desserts for a whole day, starving myself for as long as I can last, overly exercising, sleeping allot, not sleeping at all, cleaning my house to the point of insanity or baking thousands of cookies... I learned to use compulsive [some healthy some not] behaviors to systematically get myself through painful circumstances.  At one time it was necessary for survival but now that I have Christ in my life I am slowly but surely learning new ways of coping and learning to actually feel my feeling.  I now know that when I'm feeling down I have to fight the urge to return to my compulsions [any of them] that make me feel normal but to turn to God instead and allow myself to feel whatever emotions I feel.  That, however, does not mean that I can no longer have an alcoholic beverage, eat candy, work out or clean my house.  I just have to constantly be checking my motives for doing such things.   Life is all about balance.